Cheers, Douglas!

I know that I don't really talk about my family much on ye blog- okay, I probably complain about them a lot, but I don't really address them as people as much as I should.  So today I thought I'd take a moment to talk about my husband.  You see, fifteen years ago today, I married a man named Douglas.

"Wait a minute," you say.  "I thought your husband was named Webmaster Mikey!"

You are not wrong.  But if you were hoping for some juicy story about how I left that cad Douglas and rode off on a white horse with Webmaster Mikey . . . well, let me explain.  The officiator at our wedding thought his name was Douglas.  Just when I started to panic, worried that our marriage would not be valid, my dad leaned over and corrected the man.  And lo, I married Webmaster Mikey all good and proper.  We got married in the Salt Lake LDS Temple, and it was a beautiful day: the sun was shining, flowers were blooming, our family was all there.  As I look out at this blustery day, I realize how lucky we were to have good weather that day.  Also family, since now my in-laws are scattered across the country.  Plus, I looked really good in the pictures and we ate cake (and later hamburgers, thanks to my sister's husband who kindly does not hate us for getting married on his birthday).

And then we moved into our tiny, dank basement studio apartment, and real life began.

And I fully began to appreciate Webmaster Mikey.

You see, I am the princess.  I am the youngest child of my parents.  I am my mommy's little sweetheart.

I'm spoiled.

(There, I admit it.)

My parents put money in my checking account every week until the day before I got married.  They continued to pay my college tuition even after I got married.  I knew how to cook and clean and speak German, but boy howdy did I not know the value of money.  Or how to get a decent job.  I will also probably be late to my own funeral.

Webmaster Mikey, on the other hand, is not spoiled.  No, he is a gem.  The boy knows how to work.  He knows how to balance a checkbook.  And he knows how to chivvy me out the door so that I can get me to the church on time, as the song says.  (Not to mention the book signing, school program, and pretty much everything else.)

In the first year of our marriage I was hospitalized twice with life-threatening health problems, and probably saw the inside of the ER three to four times.  I couldn't work for several months, in fact, I couldn't get off the couch.  I had two serious bouts of depression (that I can recall) and one "freak out" (code for an anxiety attack) that led to me quitting my newly acquired job.  Once I graduated from college, I needed time to write books, so I refused to take any full time job.

There's a reason why my first published book, DRAGON SLIPPERS, is dedicated to him.

Webmaster Mikey took all that in stride.  He cooks and cleans.  He works like a dog at jobs that really aren't all that fun, to support me in the manner to which I have always been accustomed.  He changes light bulbs, furnace filters, and diapers, wears spit-up covered shirts, then launders said shirts along with all the other dirty clothes.  I once spent a year doing nothing but working on a novel (which was so crappy that it will never see the light of day), while he worked two jobs to support us.  People who found out I was just at home all day would ask how many kids we had, and he'd say proudly, "None, but Jessica's writing a book."  "Has she gotten published?"  "No, but she will soon."

That.

Right there.  Did you catch that?

More important than the laundering and cooking and toilet scrubbing and the holding of hands in the ER while I am blasted full of antibiotics for yet another kidney infection is that right there, folks.  From the moment we met, and I said I wanted to be a fantasy writer, he's believed me.  And believed IN me.  He has always known that I would be published one day, even when he had never read anything I'd written, and he's  done everything humanly possible to make sure it happened.  Supported me emotionally and financially, from day one, when things, frankly, seemed bleak.

And he continues to support me.  He uses vacation days to babysit the kids while I visit schools.  He's still our main source of income.  He does 99.9% of our grocery shopping, with all the kids in tow, so that I can spend Saturday afternoons writing.  True story: for the past three years, Webmaster Mikey has spent nearly every Saturday in a car full of whiny children, running every errand under the sun and then doing the week's grocery shopping to give me as much time as possible to write.

Marriage is hard, people.  There are arguments, especially in the beginning, that feel like your world will end if you don't get your way.  (And then later you realize that the whole issue was too stupid for words.) You're living with another person day after day after day.  Their weird habits.  And noises.  And smells.  Making that work takes a lot of energy, and I won't lie and say that the first few years of our marriage were fabulously sunny and filled with nothing but picnics and Eskimo kisses.  I like to spend money on clothes.  He likes having a savings account.  We've both had to make compromises.

But at the end of the day, I enjoy relaxing on my MemoryFoam mattress, watching The Soup with my best friend.  Who is awesome.  And has probably made dinner, and certainly been in charge of putting the kids to bed.

And occasionally I like to reflect on how this man has put up with me for FIFTEEN YEARS!

All hail Webmaster Mikey!

Where's My Tars Tarkas Action Figure? Or: Why You Should See JOHN CARTER

So JOHN CARTER came out this last weekend, and apparently is not doing well at the box office. This saddens me. I love movies. You all know I love movies. I post lists of favorite movies on this very blog! I used to review movies on a website back in the early days of the interwebs. Heck, I'm even IN a movie. (No, seriously! I was an extra in the airport scenes of THE RM. Check it out!) And more importantly, I loved THIS movie, and hearing people bash it is making me le sad.

You can imagine my excitement at hearing about JOHN CARTER. It's based on A PRINCESS OF MARS, the first book in the Barsoom series by Edgard Rice Burroughs, who also wrote TARZAN. I have never read the Barsoom books, but c'mon, these books were written over a hundred years ago, about a Civil War veteran fighting giant aliens on Mars! What's not to love? Also, it was directed by Andrew Stanton (No, not the Andrew Stanton I went to high school with, the director of FINDING NEMO and WALL-E). The movie had a huge budget, a great cast, and every clip and trailer looked like enormous fun. In fact, the first trailer introduced me to the song "My Body Is A Cage" by Peter Gabriel, which I loved so much I bought the single.

My sister, who knows of my love for movies and my excitement for this one in particular, offered to babysit for us, despite the newness and screaminess of Baby Roo, and so Mike and I were able to go on Saturday. And see what was one of the Best. Movies. I've. Seen. In. Forever.

It was fun. It was funny. It was exciting. It was romantic. It was dramatic. It was, in short, everything you might want in a movie. I have no idea how long it was, but when it was over, I wanted to stay in my seat, clapping my hands and yelling, "Again! Again!" like a Teletubby.

There were no inappropriately sexual jokes. There was no scatological humor. The dialogue wasn't embarrassingly cheesy (a failing of many sci fi movies). The special effects were amazing, I never once saw something and thought, Green screen! In fact, both my husband and I admitted to having the sudden realization that the Tharks WEREN'T real . . . Tharks are ten feet tall, have four arms and tusks, and we fully believed in them. The acting was excellent, too, both voice and physical.

In fact, the acting was stellar. Look at the cast!

Willem Defoe. Samantha Morton. Thomas Haden Church. Dominic West. Mark Strong. James Purefoy. Ciaran Hinds. Taylor Kitsch is great as John Carter, and I loved Lynn Collins as Dejah Thoris, Princess of Mars. LOVED her!

First off, she's a scientist and a fighter, not your typical damsel in distress. She also has a very nice body. Yeah, okay, that sounded weird. But I have a pet peeve with movies, especially lately. I have a little problem with people asking me to believe that Angelina Jolie, who looks frighteningly gaunt lately, can jump off a moving train and not snap like a brittle twig. Watching SALT I was cringing every time she did a stunt or got in a fight, she looked sickly and fragile. Lynn Collins has a shapely, healthy figure. She looked good in a bikini, but she also looked like she could swing that sword without falling over, and she totally did. She was tough without being masculine, intelligent without being portrayed as a nerd with no social skills. She was a REAL WOMAN.

Also, I totally want an eight-legged Martian dog. I just do, okay? Disney is really missing out on some marketing opportunities. If there were John Carter action figures, I would buy them all. And a plush Wolla. (I think that was the dog's name.) And some Dejah Thoris paper dolls. Where are my Happy Meal toys? I have a light up Jake Sully from AVATAR, and his six-legged blue horse. Where's my John Carter with glowing medallion, huh? HUH?

And here's the thing about this movie tanking, which Laini Taylor brought my attention to last week. She's started the hashtag #JohnCarterParty on Twitter, and has been encouraging people to see it. Not because she's a huge Barsoom fan, either, but because of what it represents. This is an intelligent, fun, big budget science fiction movie. If you want to see more movies like this, you need to show your support. More good sci fi and fantasy books can be adapted into good movies if Hollywood sees a profit. More good sci fi and fantasy movies can be made, period. Sure, there are some standouts in recent years like AVATAR or the new STAR TREK, but for every AVATAR, there's at least five MISSION TO MARS. (About about fifteen Adam Sandler movies. *shudder*)

If you need more convincing, allow me to sum it all up in this handy list:

Why You Should See JOHN CARTER:

1. Great cast, great acting.
2. A good story.
3. Great effects.
4. Excellent female role models. (Not just Lynn Collins as Dejah Thoris, but also Samantha Morton as Sola the Thark maiden.)
5. Suitable for (nearly) the whole family, the violence was more science fictiony than gory/shocking, there was no sex, profanity, or poo!
6. (And most importantly) It will encourage Hollywood to make more fun sci fi/fantasy adventure movies!